Prayers, Positive Energy, Please **updated**
Not feeling so well. I've been holding a lot of stress in my stomach, and I feel unable to breathe.
I'm not harming myself, with food, or pharmaceuticals, tobacco, drugs, etc.. no. I'm just human. And, I'm sad.
I live in a world where I cannot talk, and I'm a talker. I cannot speak honestly, and that is my nature. I cannot be loved, when I live to give love. I am talking about my household.
My husband is very difficult, and I'm not allowed to feel that way because he has als. Well, I DO feel that way, and I feel ignoring it IS the bs. At this rate, with all of the UNNECESSARY stress he causes me, I'll end up going first!
Look, imo, the second that spark of life is born, the only inevitable is death. For everything alive. So sure, he's dying. But so are the kids, the animals. You. I. It's not an excuse to be an arrogant AH.
When I say I teach energy healing, what I mean is, I help people see what it is that they are in control of. What they have done to create their current situation. And honestly, when it flows out of me, the clarity to see the situation clearly, it's the Holy Spirit flowing through me (I am merely a conduit). And, I've been doing that, for the husband for nearly eight years (five years + since his diagnosis). Because his affliction - is not hereditary. He brought it on himself, through lifestyle, etc. BUT, with him, and how stubborn he is, it has physically drained me. Because, he's beyond childlike when it comes to being honest about anything, let alone HIMSELF and taking personal responsibility (I've raised 3 older kids and now my 1 younger kid. He, the husband has been more difficult to, "raise," than all four combined).
My womb has been taking all of my stress. My body feels like it wants to weep, but I'm a desert, as my tears have all dried. I feel as if I'm turning now into him, nasty, a loner, afraid to believe in love, to hope for love, to accept love, for that is what he is leaving on me. The impression, he is leaving on me.
I fought so many battles, and yet, remained hopeful through them all. To see and feel myself like this, feeling as if there is no hope at all...horrifies me.
I don't know why I am sharing this. That's not true. I'm sharing this because right now, I can't even bring that spark of energy back into myself, let alone you. Though, the steps I have written about here, still remain true.
Take care. Godbless.
Cara
**UPDATE**
9/12/18
Physically, I've been feeling better. But, the husband's warring has become worse. My birth-father said once, that as he (the husband), gets physically worse, the crueler he'll get, towards me. He was right. I'm getting threats, to, "Get out! Move out!," on a day to day basis. Now, it's even directed at the minor kids.
He loves to say that I'm nothing without him, which financially speaking, he's right. But without the kids and me helping him (as he basically can't move), what's he going to do without us?
I can take his nastiness a little bit better than the kids can. It's more hurtful to them. And now that that's happening, it's getting to the point where maybe, it would be best for all involved if we (the kids, pets and I), did move elsewhere.
Sadly though, I don't have a pot to piss in! There's no place I can go, and I don't have any funds to move us into a new place!
Prayers, positive energy, white magic = all welcomed and needed. More than ever. GODBLESS
I'm not harming myself, with food, or pharmaceuticals, tobacco, drugs, etc.. no. I'm just human. And, I'm sad.
I live in a world where I cannot talk, and I'm a talker. I cannot speak honestly, and that is my nature. I cannot be loved, when I live to give love. I am talking about my household.
My husband is very difficult, and I'm not allowed to feel that way because he has als. Well, I DO feel that way, and I feel ignoring it IS the bs. At this rate, with all of the UNNECESSARY stress he causes me, I'll end up going first!
Look, imo, the second that spark of life is born, the only inevitable is death. For everything alive. So sure, he's dying. But so are the kids, the animals. You. I. It's not an excuse to be an arrogant AH.
When I say I teach energy healing, what I mean is, I help people see what it is that they are in control of. What they have done to create their current situation. And honestly, when it flows out of me, the clarity to see the situation clearly, it's the Holy Spirit flowing through me (I am merely a conduit). And, I've been doing that, for the husband for nearly eight years (five years + since his diagnosis). Because his affliction - is not hereditary. He brought it on himself, through lifestyle, etc. BUT, with him, and how stubborn he is, it has physically drained me. Because, he's beyond childlike when it comes to being honest about anything, let alone HIMSELF and taking personal responsibility (I've raised 3 older kids and now my 1 younger kid. He, the husband has been more difficult to, "raise," than all four combined).
My womb has been taking all of my stress. My body feels like it wants to weep, but I'm a desert, as my tears have all dried. I feel as if I'm turning now into him, nasty, a loner, afraid to believe in love, to hope for love, to accept love, for that is what he is leaving on me. The impression, he is leaving on me.
I fought so many battles, and yet, remained hopeful through them all. To see and feel myself like this, feeling as if there is no hope at all...horrifies me.
I don't know why I am sharing this. That's not true. I'm sharing this because right now, I can't even bring that spark of energy back into myself, let alone you. Though, the steps I have written about here, still remain true.
Take care. Godbless.
Cara
**UPDATE**
9/12/18
Physically, I've been feeling better. But, the husband's warring has become worse. My birth-father said once, that as he (the husband), gets physically worse, the crueler he'll get, towards me. He was right. I'm getting threats, to, "Get out! Move out!," on a day to day basis. Now, it's even directed at the minor kids.
He loves to say that I'm nothing without him, which financially speaking, he's right. But without the kids and me helping him (as he basically can't move), what's he going to do without us?
I can take his nastiness a little bit better than the kids can. It's more hurtful to them. And now that that's happening, it's getting to the point where maybe, it would be best for all involved if we (the kids, pets and I), did move elsewhere.
Sadly though, I don't have a pot to piss in! There's no place I can go, and I don't have any funds to move us into a new place!
Prayers, positive energy, white magic = all welcomed and needed. More than ever. GODBLESS
Comments
Post a Comment