Wellness, to Me

I wanted to talk about what I feel being, "well," is, because I don't believe or feel that it's centered around vanity. Let me explain.

I will be the first to admit, I could have a tighter ship (aka body) right now.  However, for me, that's not what wellness is all about.

"Vanity.  My favorite sin." ~ John Milton in The Devil's Advocate.

Between 2007-2012, I was probably in, what most would call, the best, physical shape of my life.

I would jog exactly, 17.5 miles, everyday.  The same loop, everyday (millersville, PA to safe harbor and back via letort). I was addicted to it.  If I didn't, which usually wasn't an option, but if I couldn't, I'd run a, "quick," jaunt of 7 miles (millersville up to new danville and back around).

Today, you won't even find me running even up the stairs! 

OK. Two things; #1, I smoked herb back then.  I'd actually smoke a joint, then pop a pack of Jolt energy gum before hitting the road.  Illegal (the herb)?  Yes.  However, it worked wonders for my concentration. Also, and I have never had a doctor agree with me, one way or another on this, BUT, up until that point, I could not see veins in my hands (from drug use in the late 1990's).  It is MY BELIEF that all that running, specifically outdoor running, reignited my blood, the oxygen in my blood, etc., because my veins came back, strong and visible.  So, I believe, for that time, yes, my running was obsessive, and possibly, it was needed. But, was I, "well?" Debatable (I can say, I did think I was hot chit, which is definitely not a sign of being truly, "well").

#2; according to my older kids, when I was running all the time, (mind you, when not running I was walking my dogs miles, and or hiking for hours with my kids, and dogs), I may have been physically fit, BUT, I was wound, "way too tight," (this era also coincided with my over the top cleaning mentioned in an earlier post).

The kids have all said they prefer this pudgy-er, "Aileen Wornous," (according to my son. Thanks Rami!) me.  Because, they say, I'm much, much, more mellow (maybe it's because I'm more content too, non lo so).

It should be noted, that during these years, make no mistake about it, I was basically a sportorexic (sport anorexia). If I ate, I ate ONLY for fuel, and when I ate, if after the daily runs, and hikes, aforementioned, I'd have to walk the dogs five miles around the town before I went to bed!

Just writing this; the running, walking, hiking, makes me feel tired, because it was all so - GO, GO, GO.

And finally, to prove that I may have been FIT, but certainly wasn't healthy, it was during this same period, that I'd wake up in pools of sweat, soaking a CA king, often weekly.  This stopped happening years ago, after I stopped running, and began loosening my diet a bit, (when I got pregnant with, "the baby").

So what is wellness to me then?  It's loving your ship, your - self, your being.  It's loving yourself enough to decide, everyday, to not poison yourself, but rather, to make the effort to take care of yourself, your ship, etc.. And sometimes, it may just be the simple decision of taking a walk instead of having that doughnut, or that cigarette.  

Wellness to me, is that mental switch, that you want to treat yourself better.  That you are taking control of YOU.

I know this was long, so I'd like to leave you now, with these two thoughts.  And even though this blog isn't political (I side w neither), here are two important quotes from persons of both sides of the aisle.

Jacqueline Onassis before she died, knowing she was dying though, went out to lunch with a friend and made a, "YOLO," decision.  She threw caution to the wind, as she and her friend ordered a WHOLE chocolate cake for lunch.  While devouring it, J.O looked at her friend and said, "I wish I had eaten more cake (during her life)." J.O was notoriously thin, a yoga fan, but also a life long smoker.  And for what? To look thin, at the price of not enjoying cake, choosing instead to poison herself with tobacco? YOLO, indeed.

The second quote I thought of comes from, (I'm certain), The Donald (Trump).  He said, that he believes we each only have so much energy.  Meaning, energy that we will get to use, tap out of and from ourselves while we are here, on earth (during this life).  I take from that, use it wisely (not as I did, running like a maniac), because once spent, you cannot get it back.

All right!  That's my truth, and I'm sticking to it.


**I'm actually a huge proponent of marijuana.  Pure, non gmo marijuana. It helped me get sober from heroin.  I honestly don't have a problem with it.  I simply have not ever been addicted to it, and have gone through phases (years) of not smoking.  I happen to be in a phase (of not smoking or ingesting herb) right now.

***in hindsight, that, "sportorexic era," WAS about, "control," as well for me, for, I had been going through ridiculously, tough times as a parent and loving human, and running made me feel powerful (which I so needed at that time).  So, again, it was a necessity for that time.  But, (and again), I wasn't necessarily, "well."



Popular posts from this blog


Following v Not Following: I'm Beginning to Understand the Rage