Step 3: Getting Honest and Taking Responsibility

Some may say this could be Step 1, however, I can only say what worked for me, and for me, this fell into Step 3: getting completely honest with myself, and then, taking personal responsibility for my actions which led me to there (i.e.: the gutter, the streets, my deep heroin addiction).

Getting Honest

I was such a liar before I got sober.  I lied about everything, for so many reasons. I didn't lie all the time, but I'd certainly lie, and with ease.  

You cannot keep lying if you want to get sober, and change your life.   And most importantly, you cannot lie to yourself. 

Taking Responsibility

Getting honest with yourself, and taking personal responsibility for your actions, seem to me, to go hand in hand. 

There are those of us who can wallow is things which did happen to us, using those instances to JUSTIFY our abusing ourselves, abusing others, etc., but if you are to get sober, change your life for the better, you MUST ACCEPT YOUR OWN ROLE. 

In my own case, I had to take responsibility for my own actions which led me to that hell hole.  Sure I was molested as a child, which led to my own lack of self-worth, for myself and my body.  But others had gone through the same thing and didn't poison themselves!  I CHOSE TO SELF-DESTRUCT.  

Even when it came to shooting heroin, in all my years of using, not once could I inject myself, my ex husband did the deed for me.  BUT I WANTED IT.  Had I mentally clung to the idea of, "well I didn't shoot myself," I would have never gotten sober.

Now, I am NOT dismissing when others bring or have brought harm to you.  What I am saying is this, there comes a point where you need to stand up for YOU.  You must take responsibility for your own actions.  Of course, when someone harms you, you didn't have the choice, but you sure as hell do when it comes to how YOU decide to go forth, treating yourself, afterwards.

For me, I'd yell and scream about it (the abuse from my ****** and then his supporters, aka family), all the while I was fucked up (years before and during heroin).  No one listened, no one cared.  So, what was I going to do?  Continue on that poisonous path, forever, until I died?

There must come a time when you say, HELL NO!  No more.  That no matter what has happened to you, you will not poison yourself anymore.  That, to me, is taking personal responsibility.   Because, we may never get justice, or see the truths of our trauma come to light, so if waiting for that, is when you'll start treating yourself well, you could be waiting forever.  

I hope I explained this as well as I wanted.  

Godbless.

CARANOLLETTI@GMAIL.COM


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